chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
