her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
