go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
