I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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