I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
