At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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