If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
