Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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