What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
