Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
