I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
