He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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