So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
