I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
