Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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