I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
