Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
