Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
