How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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