I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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