we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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