So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
