Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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