Yo dont text me then not text me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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