shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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