I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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