He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
