after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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