btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
