if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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