im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
