My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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