You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
