I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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