3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
