Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
