My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
