dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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