dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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