My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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