At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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