I can text with my tongue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
