I wish I could teleport
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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