I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
