You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
