I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
