So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
