Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
