is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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