We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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