I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
