My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
