Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
