So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
