There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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