If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
