i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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