And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
