Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
