I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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