somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to make out with him forever
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
