He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
