remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
