Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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