Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
