apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
