don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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