I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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