i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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