her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
