I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
