just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
