dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
