Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
