Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
