I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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