I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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