We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
