hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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